Extract from a book I am writing

I would love some feedback on this excerpt from a serialised story I am writing. Please read and comment…

Fortunately, Ethan had a lot of the circuitry already in place for his new machine. He had been working on a time dilation device that didn’t quite work. The framework was all still in place and the Tesla coil was primed and ready to go. It didn’t take long for the conversion of the inoperative time dilation device to commence. Ethan worked tirelessly through the afternoon and into the evening. He started to get a little delirious towards late evening as he had not yet eaten.

Some of his wiring connections did not quite go where the wiring diagram indicated they should and Ethan didn’t notice. When he had finished his work, he stepped back and looked at his newest invention. It looked a bit like a telephone booth, without the glass of course. Inside it had a digital keypad and there were plates above and below the area where an object or person would stand. There were wires coming out the top that appeared to be leading nowhere at all and yet others that appeared to bury themselves into the garage floor. Ethan looked at his teleportation device and grinned madly.

He went back into the house and finally fed himself. Then as he was heading back to the garage he remembered that he had to take something to teleport. Grabbing an apple he rushed back to the garage and got back to work. He went straight over to his generator and got it started. Then he plugged in the capacitor that would store the electrical charge for the Tesla coil. After this he went and checked the tuning frequency on his teleportation machine and set it to 1348 megahertz to draw electrical energy from the Tesla coil.

Finishing this Ethan sent a test signal with his hand held global positioning instrument to get an exact location on the empty table top in the back section of his garage. Getting the co-ordinates he then grabbed up his DVAR (digital voice activated recorder) and started speaking. “Teleportation test number 1. Date: 22 August 2010. Time: 2315 hrs. Object of test: To teleport one apple three metres across my garage from co-ordinates 32 degrees 8 minutes 12 seconds south to 32 degrees 8 minutes 12.4 seconds south. I am placing the apple in the teleporter … now. I will now type in the destination co-ordinates for the object.” Ethan droned on and outlined each step of his experiment as he executed it.

Be honest and let me know what you think. And if you want to read more, click on the banner below…